


broken.

by artificialmeggie (ohmymeggs)



Series: blood and honey [11]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Mentions of Relapse (nothing graphic), Paranoia, but it's still pretty dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 12:43:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19992415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmymeggs/pseuds/artificialmeggie
Summary: Trixie’s always had a weakness for broken things.





	broken.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been sitting on this for a while, and I think it’s just something I need to get out of my drafts and into the world. (There is a sequel. It’s shinier.)
> 
> I haven’t seen Trixie’s documentary yet, and this was written before we knew anything about it. That being said, I don’t claim to know anything about Trixie and Katya’s personal relationship. Additionally, this is fiction, even though it is based on real people and set in real life. Just. Keep that in mind as you proceed.
> 
> Also, I don't mean to make out that Katya is only capable of being typed as an addict, but I do think it's an important part of their relationship that isn't explored enough in fic, especially in canon compliant fic. That being said, if it's not your thing or could be a trigger for you, move on.
> 
> This is the "blood" part of "blood and honey."

****Trixie doesn’t know exactly what Katya has been saying to everyone, but he knows it isn’t good and that something is terribly wrong.

Because there just isn’t a reason for his best friend in the entire world, the one person he trusts more than anyone else to go around spewing vitriol from his lips about their working relationship and the motives behind it. At least, not one that he can think of.

The call had come from one of the producers earlier in the evening, asking Trixie if he’d spoken to Katya lately.

He’d said no, and the realization of it surprised him because he and Katya never went more than a few hours without at least a text, but when Trixie stopped to think about it, it had to be at least a day since Katya had responded to any of his message.

He’d chalked it up to his friend being busy with gig scheduling and fittings and writing material for his show— _Jesus Christ,_ Trixie is so goddamn proud of them when he thinks of how everything is taking off—but it is weird. Katya always finds time to text him his horoscope in the morning over his cigarette and coffee (although he insists on sending Virgo, despite Trixie’s insistence that he is, in fact, a Leo).

And then, _then_ they’d told him what Katya was saying: that Trixie was only invested in their friendship because it was lucrative (not true); that he was growing tired of him (so not true), and was plotting behind his back to replace him with Alaska or Willam or, Jesus, even _Violet_ ( _definitely_ not true) now that there was momentum and a deal and four episodes left to film (what in gay hell).

But the deal was for _them_. For their brand. For Trixie and Katya. Katya and Trixie. Katyie or Trixya or whatever the hell their fan-created portmanteau was.

_Maybe he shouldn’t have been so insistent that his name came first…_

He just didn’t understand where it was all coming from. Katya had days when he got too in his own head, smothered by anxiety, and Trixie had to remind him constantly that he wasn’t annoyed by the rambling texts or non-sequitur calls or random drop-ins at three a.m. But this was different. This was venomous, hateful, and black. It hurt him deeper than he thought he could hurt. It felt like the deepest betrayal of his life.

He just can’t make sense of it.

But he has to know, has to hear it from Katya himself and not the lips of someone who may or may not have their best interests at heart. (And their producers do. He knows they do; if not for the personal reasons that they kept the same ones from “UNHhhh” but because there’s a significant financial liability at stake. And there is just a large part of him that desperately wants to believe that Katya cannot be capable of what they’re saying.)

So earlier that evening, right after The Call, he texted Katya and simple, yet to-the-point, but also their brand of passive-aggressive “ _Hey, just checking to see if you’ve been telling everyone that you hate me now…?”_ and he’s kind of meant it to be funny, but Katya has yet to respond. So Trixie’s been pacing back and forth across the wooden floor of his apartment, worrying the skin of his thumbs between his teeth until he tastes blood, his phone clutched tightly in his other fist.

Kim calls. Alaska calls. Jinkx and Courtney call. Hell, even Violet and Pearl call, but he ignored them all because the only person he’s interested in speaking to tonight is Katya, and he doesn’t want to hear from anyone else until he talks to his best friend.

Former best friend.

Business partner?

What the _fuck_ is even happening?

It’s just past midnight when he stops pacing, exhausted, and collapses onto the couch. He slides his thumb across the screen to unlock his phone, still open to their text thread, and sees the three dots disappear as soon as he pushes his thumb into the text box and starts typing.

_Kat… Bri… please. I’m going crazy here. Please talk to me._

The three dots return and a new message show up almost immediately.

_I’m outside._

Trixie jumps off the couch in a flash, throwing open the door and dashing down the stairs to his garage.

Katya is sitting with his back to the garage door and he looks smaller than usual and more exhausted than ever, and Trixie has to remind himself that he is less than pleased with him right now because he just looks so _broken_ , and Trixie’s always had a weakness for broken things. But why and how and where would he start when the ten-foot space between them feels more like a ten-mile chasm?

It’s never been this way with Katya before.

Trixie stops at the corner of the garage and crosses his arms over his chest. “What the _fuck_ are you doing out here? How long have you been here?”

Katya shrugs. “Couple of hours. Since I got your first message.” He pushes himself to his feet and wipes his palms on his shorts. “I wanted to, but I… Couldn’t come up. Couldn’t make myself do it.”

Trixie moves forward a step or two to close the gap between them and shakes his head. “What the actual _fuck_ , Kat?”

Katya shakes his head and squeezes the bridge of his nose between his fingers while he shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“You need to figure your shit out,” Trixie says, hands finding hips because they itch and burn to take Katya into his arms and that would be dangerous and ill-advised. “You need to figure it out because we have a fourteen-episode contract, and we’ve only shot nine, and I can’t be the _Trixie and Katya Show_ all by myself, damn it. I can’t…” His voice breaks. “I _cannot_ do this shit without you.”

Slowly, his best friend nods. “You can. You should. I’m…” A deep, shaky breath expands his chest, his lips purse and he exhales. Yoga practice for the anxious.

Trixie on the other hand, holds his breath. Braces for impact. Stops the entire world to wait for Katya’s response.

“I’m using again.”

The words are heavy and hang in the space between them while Trixie tries to absorb the feeling in his chest. It feels like a bomb has exploded or the world has stopped turning and it’s the end of everything and the beginning of the worst period of his post-Wisconsin life all wrapped into one terrible, painful moment.

And Katya is crying. Deep, wracking sobs that have his body trembling and shaking so hard he can barely stand. He’s so broken and Trixie’s always had a weakness for broken things.

All he can say is “Katenka…” and pull the other man to his chest and wrap his arms around him while he cries.

**Author's Note:**

> "blood and honey" is a series of (mostly) unrelated drabbles and one-shots of assorted characters and ships based on a table of prompts from LiveJournal. The table can be found over on my Tumblr @artificialmeggie. I welcome your thoughts and take requests here or there. Thank you!


End file.
